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Chaplain

from Large Startling by Former Ruins

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Precious Moment figurines. Sufjan Stevens. MewithoutYou. Tooth and Nail. Invisible Children. End-times theology. IXOYE fish. And more.

This was a difficult tune to handle. It's tied up in some acute anguish over the way the faith is so narrowly-framed by both the flock and their critics. It is my self-conflicted "enough!" to feeling misunderstood one moment, self-righteous the next, and then paralyzed afterward. This one's a tangle with the world, the flesh, the devil, and ourselves.

Brimming with allusions to mid-2000s Christian subculture, it's a densely-textured ode to faith that's equally confessional, fiery, and insecure. It's autobiographical, but I trust that others may relate.

lyrics

I'm not gonna be your chaplain any longer
To whatever it is you think I think
About God or whatever
But I am a small fish in great big water
How can I exist outside my relativistic culture
When it's within me, it's without me
without you and all those bands we listened to
Who fought tooth and nail to suspend our disbelief

So where are you gonna go with those big questions on your brain
Where are you gonna go when the wanderlust runs the length of your vein You may think you're leaving nothing but your thin belief behind

But there's more than one way to hang a narrow frame, babe
And there's more than one way to take the name in vain, this is know
There's more than one way to hang a narrow frame
Around, around the mind

I'm not gonna be your little precious moment lamb
Your hashtag blessed, yellow-pressed, gaslit yes man
I wanna be the stigmata marks for you to touch with sticky fingers, son
I'll be waiting for your call, we can talk all about old Sufjan Stevens songs

And what we all had right and wrong back then,
at prayer meetings in our parents' basements, when
We were naive, when we were sincere,
It's so easy to believe that we were just faking it

But there's more than one way to hang a narrow frame, babe
And there's more than one way to take the name in vain, this I know
There's more than one way to throw your body at the flames
Toward Gehenna or streets of gold
There's more than one to way to invite a life of pain
Spit out or eat the bitter scroll
There's more than one way to hang a narrow frame
Around, around the mind

The strife of tongues
And strutting thighs
Clickbait bitrate
Catechize
The minds of old and young
Flee from the wrath to come
Kyrie eleison

Invisible chatroom and the DRC
Dot-com boom of human trafficking
With bodies on the web
Our hidden sins entangle everyone
Kyrie eleison

Red letter left
leaning type or
Red heifers for
End times sacrifice
The plain reading of the text
We cannot agree upon
Kyrie eleison

I'm not gonna be your chaplain any longer
I have skin in the game
And blood on the altar

credits

from Large Startling, track released February 28, 2020
Written, performed, and recorded by Former Ruins / Levi Dylan Sikes (ASCAP)
Mixed by Jon Class at The Varsity Recording Co.
Mastered by Alex Dobbert

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Former Ruins Muncie, Indiana

You've shown me your power by where you conceal it.

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