1. |
The Last Thing I Saw
05:11
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The last thing I saw
Before I went under
Was a hoofprint in the pool liner
He said a horse fell in last spring
Y'all really should have seen it
Such a large, thrashing thing
Honestly, it was startling
But this is how it's always felt
Like I'm only arriving
Where you've already been
And even now I feel it
You've shown me your power
By where you conceal it
The last series we sat through
featured this
8-foot, papier-mâché Mayan pyramid
He said "test everything,
and hold fast to the good"
So we got engaged that winter
Right there at the end of the world
But this is how it's always worked
you give us understanding
when we lean on yours
And even now, I feel it
Your mercies keep following me
And time keeps revealing it
You must have been tumbling
In the carpet of my childhood
When I played
Cause even when I felt your absence
Your impression remained
You preoccupied my adolescence like
An open-carry on the hip
Of the woman I knew I'd marry
Her name was fear and trembling
But this is how it's always felt
Like I'm only arriving
where you've already been
And even now I feel it
You've shown me your power
By where you conceal it
But then college hit
And the New Atheists
Rode their bus campaigns
On public-speaking streaks
And I was cowering under
Comments about
The Amalekites and God's providence
Then Hitch will get his diagnosis
And someone's daughter somewhere gets
The same
But the former will never fathom why
Grieving fathers give you praise
Cos this is how it's always been
You're waiting beside
Hospital beds
In chambers of my heart
That life hasn't broken yet
But even now
I feel it
You've shown me your power
No grave can seal in
And this is how it's always felt
Like I'm only arriving
Where you've already been
And even now I feel it
You've shown me your power
By where you conceal it
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2. |
Sparrow Eyes
05:57
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You held me in a mother's arms
Down in the breadline
She wore her millefleurs dress
She watched me with sparrow eyes
Because she knows how I
Can be a punchline
That everyone knows
Something about an altar
I am a crawler
And I know inside
I know inside
You're there
More than I am
Even to myself
So I could try to flee from your sight
Or fold myself into a beam of light
Or become any kind of thing I like
But what I am is known to you
And I can't get all the way away from you
You know I can't
Get all the way away from you
You were hounding me
From heaven
When you caught me outside
Down by the water
Or at the end of time
No creature is hidden
And neither was I
Because you know how I
Can be a punchline
That hits a little close to home
You lead us to the altar
All us belly crawlers
And if I'm curving in
And see nothing but my sins
You're there
Deeper than I have been
Even within myself
But we have tried to flee from your sight
In a browser, in a boardroom, on our bed at night
We've become all the kinds of things we've liked
And the emptiness calls out to you
Cos we can't
Get all the way away from you
You know we can't
Get all the way away from you
You see me and you know me
That can be a terrifying thought
But I'm as real as a rabbit
In a fiery field
And my best hope
Is getting caught
I was told
To embrace the shadow
I never felt more free
But at the end of the day
It covered everything
So please
Come recover me
Cos what we are is known to you
What we are is made for you
What we are is known to you
What we are is made for you
And I heard you pouring your heart out to mine
For what must have been the thousandth time
When I was struck by the lightning from eternal light
And now my body is a bell at the sight of you
And I can't keep anything
Away from you
You know I can't keep anything
Away from you
I want to fly to your open side
And be underwing under sparrow eyes
And see you wingspread against a broken sky
And be remembered back to you
Cos I can't
Keep anything
Away from you
You know I can't
Keep anything
Away from you
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3. |
Uncreated Light
04:37
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I didn't know that was still a thing they do
Our lampstand was just removed
We spilled our oil
Like ink into an inky sea
And when we burned it on the waves
You danced on a distant flame
The one we were made to enthrone
We all need to hear some hard things
Sometimes
And this one still hits hardest
We thought we could walk
By the light we made
Til we got lost in our own heads
And the light in us was
Darkness
In our caricature we drew
Your features based on our own truth
Our logos in the sponsored section
Of the program and the script we put you through
And when we hung it on the wall
It clashed with nothing at all
We forgot your mouth is drawn
Like a sword
We all need to hear some hard things
Sometimes
And this one still hits hardest
We thought we could walk
By the light we made
Til we got lost in our own heads
And the light in us was
Darkness
Lest we forget, no creature is hidden
Lest we forget, we're all patients at your table
Lest we forget, you already see our true conditions
In ways we've never been able
So give us sight
Lest the light in us be darkness
We all need to hear some hard things
Sometimes
And this one still hits hardest
We thought we could walk
By the light we make
Til we got lost in our heads
And the light in us was
Darkness
I'm nearly Dylanesque in my hubris
That I got something to say
But am I pure in heart?
That's the question
So find me reclining against
Your most-chaste-chest
I'll hear your resting cadence
Bear a resemblance to
Repent, repent, repent
We all need to hear some hard things, sometimes
We all need to hear some hard things
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4. |
Sign
04:53
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Party crashers
Raised up crosses
While we forgot to keep the feast
It felt like an epiphany
Of our true allegiances
To say the least
I just know that
We've been here before
Burning incense
To a strongman
And we just don't know when to stop
Without a sign
Of contradiction
Men without chests
Mourned no losses
When they lit up New York City pink
We don't hesitate to say
They love the least of these
What a nice thing to think
I just know that
We've been here before
Offering tribute with our own children
And we just don't know when to stop
Without a sign
Of contradiction
There's no bloodless membership
It's just a question of whose blood it is
We gather our strength against
Whatever victim seems expedient
You should know cos
You've been here before
Being opposed from all directions
And we just don't know when to stop
Crucifying what
Contradicts us
We just don't know when to stop
Without a sign that can
Contradict us
I just know that we've been here before
I cannot get around the fact
Your holy innocence is the only last
Contradiction
That speaks against
And saves us
In the end
Please give us a sign
And contradict us
Cos I know we've been here before
I know we've been here before
And we just don't know when to stop
Without a sign of
Contradiction
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5. |
Lindy
04:36
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I knew your love
Before I even knew your name
No other could give what you gave to me
Lindy
And yours was the first
Heartbeat I'd heard
No other has given what you gave to me
Lindy
Now I’m the one carrying you around
Every day
Wherever I’m gonna go
You are never so far away
And I cannot put you down
When you gave me everything
I even have your own father's arms
And your children's children on my knee
Unique among all others
My mother
The one who gave me birth
I was your sunflower bud
On the wall of your womb
Unfolding in the depths of the earth
I knew your voice
Before I could speak
It can be a brutal world
But there was room for me
It can be a brutal world
But there was room for me
Lindy
And I knew your touch
Before I was seen
I was a stranger
And you welcomed me
Lindy
I was a stranger and you welcomed me
Lindy
Now I’m the one carrying you around
Every day
Wherever I’m gonna go
You are never so far away
And I cannot put you down
When you gave me everything
I even have your own father's arms
And your children's children on my knee
Armfuls of memories come
Like a harvest none too late
(You’re never far, you’re never far)
Your cherry tomato cheekbones
As you prepare everyone a plate
(You’re never far, you’re never far)
And I cannot put you down
You gave me everything
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6. |
Horses in First Drafts
05:59
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All I wanna do is sleep
And drink hot honey water in a dream
All I wanna do is be
Untroubled before a soft-core stream
Feeling free
But I hear your heart pounding like
Hooves upon the shore
And your bright face is enlightening
The dark side of my door
And your clear voice is ringing out
It's time to go to war
But all I wanna do is sleep
But you know that there’s been
So many horses in
First drafts of lyrics
Not make the cut
And you know that I've tried
So hard to avoid
This one cliche
But I now wonder
Is it the one you want?
I now wonder
Is it the one you want?
I now wonder
Hey remember when we first heard “Holocene”?
We got real heavy into arpeggios
I was relieved to not be relied upon
To play any real guitar solos
Granted that we're not magnificent
We still tried our best to write quote-unquote
"Hauntingly beautiful" songs
In the most delicate and dulcet tones
But you know that there’s been
So many horses in
First drafts of lyrics
Not make the cut
And you know how I’ve tried
So hard to avoid
This one cliche
But I now wonder
If it’s the one you want
(Run with the horses)
I now wonder
If it’s the one you want
(Run with the horses)
I now wonder
If it’s the one
(Run with the horses)
You want
Cos every other flanneled father
Roughly my age
Can’t help themselves but sing along
With The Boss
And when it hits the chorus
We hear the galloping of horses
And we believe even just for a minute
We could recover all we’ve lost
Singing baby
Let me bring you underwing now
Rib to rib as first lovers be
And we would learn
To ride the lightning
Out to the far end of the sea
I wanna behold you in all your glory
See how you run under the hood
I’ll pledge to you alone
My heart and flesh
And all my earthly goods
But you know this is where it gets
So embarrassing
That we’d trade this for a simulation
Of smeared honey on our knees
Or otherwise we bear down hard
Play every co-dependent card
And stay convinced
This is how we lead
But you know
I tried so hard to avoid these
Cliches I rightly resisted
But I’m left wondering
Is there one I can’t outrun?
Run with the horses
Run with the horses
I still wonder
What it is you want
Am I a bride or am I a son?
Or is it whatever
Being a man means
In Heaven’s eternity
That I can fully rest
My head upon
Til we behold what we’ll become
Run with the horses
Run with the horses
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7. |
Our Love Is Water
04:44
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Do you know I saw
You standing in the middle
Of the White River?
You were spilling everything
Your red backpack open
Upturned and emptied
I gave you a moment
But it was all I could do not to
Draw near, nearer still
Cos I will have you
Any form you’re in
I’d be vapor
I’d be freezing
Just to find you
In every season
So I’ll come wading toward you
Through dissolving paper
Waving at a distance
So you know it’s me
Approaching
And when you show me
Your countersign
I’ll know I can
Draw near, nearer still
Cos I will have you
Any phase you’re in
I’d be vapor
I’d be freezing
Just to find you
In every season
Draw near, nearer still
Cos I want to
Be sure you’re listening
Cos the word bank changes
Only to say the same old things
At new depth of meaning
Cos our love is
Our love is water
I don’t have any illusions
That I’m the one to save you
I’ll just be watching your yellow
Parachute descend
Like a retriever I’ll be there
When you land
I wanna make your sky open
In blooms
Of borrowed hues from
The blueberries
We’re gonna pick in South Haven
When we’re full
Of years and all the ways
We changed
Just to stay the same
So come crystallize with me
In living memory
All we do to keep
Ourselves bonded
Cos our love is
Our love is water
(So draw nearer still)
Baby I don’t want the truth of us
To always be
Liquid
I want a vow to keep
So draw near, nearer still
I will seek you
To the furthest end
I’d be vapor, I’d be freezing
Just to find the bride
Of my youth again
Cos our love is
Our love is water
And our life is a vapor
And time is fleeting
So let’s rehearse
Heaven and earth
Meeting
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8. |
False Infinities
04:58
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Do you still remember
The driver
We met from Denver
With the ouroboros tattoo?
He said that everything
Will recur
Until we all dissolve in time
(We all dissolve)
That's the kind of vaguely spiritual thing
You can get away with saying to strangers
But he really didn't like you
Telling him how to drive
I had a perfect circle and I tried to paint it all black
But then I couldn't decide if I should paint it all white
Or in perfectly balanced halves
And my eyes are acrobats
Leaping out, desperate
To catch sight of something real
That can bear a human face
I need something that can break
Through to me
And break through
My false infinities
But here's yet another
Ex-pastor
In Warby Parker
Glasses without a prescription
He said we're star stuff
And baby, we are enough
And the Kingdom of Heaven is within
(It's all within)
And the capital U-universe is here to guide us
Toward our own inner light
Well ok
But just saying that sort of thing
Never got anyone crucified
I had a perfect circle and I tried to paint it all black
But then I couldn't decide if I should paint it all white
Or in perfectly balanced halves
And my eyes are acrobats
Leaping out, desperate
To catch sight of something real
That can bear a human face
I need something that can break
My arms are acrobats
Flying out through emptiness
To lay hold of hands
That have borne our human weight
I need something that can break
I was a self-referring circuit of positive inputs
But nothing electric ever struck
Nothing could judge me
Oppose or conduct me
And therefore not love me that much
But you found me going nowhere just
Circling the parking lot
Reciting slogans to myself
Like "we're just drops in the ocean"
It sounded pretty deep
But it didn't help
Cos our hearts are acrobats
Leaning out across a gap
To be one with you
Even now in time and space
Cos a sacred heart can break
And we need something that can break through
All our false infinities
But between you and us
Is a wire
And the tension remains a crucial thing
Just meet us up there dancing
Above trees that go branching
Beyond all our false infinities
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9. |
Doxology
05:03
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Praise God from whom all blessings flow
Praise Him all creatures here below
Praise Him above ye heavenly hosts
Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost
Praise God beyond what words can express
Praise God who has spoken to us nonetheless
Praise God in language long confessed
Praise Father, Son, and Spirit blessed
Praise
When we turn back to you
You return us to ourselves
When we praise
Because you need of nothing
We can leave nothing withheld
When we praise
The heart is an archer
Rising up to take her aim
When we praise
We become what we behold
It's a risk we're meant to take
To praise you
Praise God who sees us after work
At home, un-consoled, alone, and uncorked
Praise God that the salt fails to meet our thirst
Praise God who yearns to meet it first
Praise God baptizer
Dancing in the womb
Praise God thrice-denier
I am weeping too
Praise God through firelight
With His eyes on you
Praise God the one
Who will see us through
Praise
When we turn back to you
You return us to ourselves
When we praise
Because you need of nothing
We will leave nothing withheld
When we praise
It's the sound of waters flowing
Down the mouth of suffering
When we praise
We become what we behold
It's a risk we're meant to take
To praise you
Praise God from whom all blessings flow
Praise Him all creatures here below
Praise Him above ye heavenly hosts
Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost
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10. |
Millefleurs
05:16
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Did you come out here to find me
Crawling the far hills naked?
Cos even your reproach clothes me in
A millefleurs raiment
You fed me daily
From your windowsill
I kept it vacant
So you hung around
Like suet in the snow
Even then, you were waiting
Yours is the heart
Ours were meant to be knit to
So you wove yourself into
The weave we knew
At your garment’s edge
We were unraveling
Every flower in our crown
was withering
Until you hemmed us in behind and before
Back in the embroidery of
Your millefleurs
(So come on)
Bring us back into the embroidery of
Your millefleurs
(So come on)
Bring us back into the embroidery
And in overflowing tenderness
You've tended
The garden we were given charge of
We leased it out, and tenants bled it
And by rights you could have us die by night
Outside its hedges
But you’re patient as a fountain in a park
Where one bridegroom waits for his wedding
Yours are the arms
We were meant to fall into
Where everything false about us just
Falls right through
Toward your garment's edge
We come staggering
Our incurable wound kept us asking
For who could hem us in
Behind and before back in
The embroidery of
Your millefleurs
So come on
Bring us back into the embroidery of
Your millefleurs
Bring us back into the embroidery
So come on, bring us back
So come on, bring us back into the
Embroidery
I was there on the spear tip
You were a candle lit
Piercing the darkness
And that I survived the impact
When our lives crashed
Like intended targets
Is a cause for wonder and
Now I rest in beds of obedience
And you cast my sins on the winds
That blow the very farthest
Yours is the voice
All the world comes home to
You are the Holy One
With whom we have to do
Around your garment's edge
The seas are gathering
While swallows and seraphim
Are swarming, yet you've drawn near
To us in human form
Marvelous! Are your works O Lord
So come on, bring us back
So come on, bring us back in
So come on
Bring us back into the embroidery of
Your millefleurs
Bring us back into the embroidery
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Former Ruins Muncie, Indiana
You've shown me your power by where you conceal it.
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